Wednesday, April 27, 2005
- By Warner Todd Huston
You know the twice annually observed tradition of the time switch for Daylight Savings time, I am sure. "Spring ahead and Fall back", goes the catch phrase. We all get so excited that our Summer evenings are going to be longer and moan when we end up with too long, dark mornings in the Winter. But it is something we have become used to. DST has become an American fixture.
Now here comes the Administration attempting to change it all. Why, oh why can't they just leave things well enough alone? What are they trying to do to us by adding two months to the Daylight Savings Time schedule?
Of course, their reasons are quite beguiling and that is why it is so evil. They claim that they mean to save energy with this idea. The new energy bill claims that if our nights are shorter we will use less energy to light our homes and businesses so they want to extend Daylight Savings by another two months. Save energy. Can you believe it?
Oh, sure that seems to make sense, all right. But here is the dark secret that they are NOT telling you. Bush will cause the Sun to explode thousands of years earlier! That's right. Not only is he trying to create global warming by torpedoing the Kyoto protocols. Not only has he announced plans to waste money to create a shield of missile launchers to save us against attack (and Canada too, whether they like it or not). Not only has he been so evil as to bring peace to so many spots of the world. Now he has launched a campaign to blow up the sun. I mean it just has to be, because it certainly couldn't be that Bush really wants to save energy.
Dastardly, isn't he?
Don't act all shocked. You know how this works, don't you? Why, if we are changing it so that we Americans have longer days and more sunlight, that means Bush is forcing the sun to work harder for the USA.
Isn't it just typical that this evil Bush is causing the USA to use up more of the sun than any other nation? The gall of him. Why should we lowly Americans get more out of the sun than any other country? What right do we have to use more of the sun than any other nation?
So, there we go. Bush is using up the sun which we all know would cause the sun to use up its precious energy much faster and then it will explode into a world killing nova. QED. Ipso Facto. I'm so sure. Totally.
Man. Saving the economy. Saving the country from attack. Saving energy. It just makes you wonder if Bush's evil knows no end?
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